When you talk to people often, is it okay not to reply to every text they send? When is it involuntary ghost effect?
Call me old-fashioned, but I think that’s rude. Plus, it’s pretty easy to misread texts on a good day, so those of us who are insecure probably start thinking, “Rusty didn’t text me back. He hates me. “
Sending text messages takes 25 seconds…don’t we have 25 seconds to spare? Let us eliminate all possibilities of misunderstanding and misery and honor the sender with the courtesy of a reply and let “ghost” remain a noun, which it is, instead of a verb, which it shouldn’t be.
My husband has a close friend with whom he has worked for a long time. Recently, he has had a frightening health problem that forced him to resign from his job. His friend very kindly said, “I want to do something for you. What do you like?” He was touched and told her that he loved the food. A little later, he received a package of lobster rolls in the mail which was very thoughtful as we love to spend time in Maine.
The only problem is that my husband stays kosher (I don’t) and his friend certainly knows that. So no lobster rolls for him. He now doesn’t know what to do in his thank you note: be honest, which may embarrass his friend, or lie and say he enjoyed it when he didn’t.
I think people who send gifts are thoughtful enough to want their gifts to be enjoyed and would be a little horrified to send a gift that, while beautiful, misses the mark. So let’s not worry about protecting your sender’s feelings. At the same time, let’s be sensitive to all the thought and expense he put into the gift.
Why not write her a thank you card that says (and this may even be the truth for all I know): “Thank you for that incredibly thoughtful gift, Ramona! It really brought us back to Maine. Being kosher, my wife Hazel enjoyed every bite, and I felt like we were having a picnic on the rugged shores of Portland, just from the delicious aroma of the lobster roll.”
My guess is that Ramona will be baffled that she forgot something so basic about her husband and will send her something else. In the meantime, you’ve been honest, you’ve tried to save face and someone, maybe even Hazel, she had a great meal!
I have to find a new internist, since mine is retiring. I want your opinion: is it better to see a young doctor who is aware of the latest treatments and trends, or an older doctor who has seen it all?
you have decided
Ah, someone who really wants my opinion…instead of my opinion being imposed on them. For that, I thank you.
I say split the difference. Find someone in your ten years or so in your practice who still remembers all the cutting-edge stuff but also knows enough older colleagues to consult when a medical mystery comes their way. Not that you have one, or that you ever will, God forbid.
On the other hand, I’ve had wonderful and miserable experiences with doctors of all ages (I’ll spare you the details), so trust your gut, shop around, ask good friends for recommendations, and hope it’s all moot because you’re too healthy to need its services. I’ll drink (a non-alcoholic, decaf drink – yawn) for that!
dear gabby appears at the Round Table every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist, but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom with wit. And a pinch of sarcasm. She is not a trained therapist by any means, but she has seen and loved many in her day. Her goal is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and inquiries and she is delighted to hear her opinion, no matter how much she may differ from yours. write to gaby at [email protected]